Hi, Time Flies

WOW! Can you believe it? It's been a year, a month shy! 

I remember feeling like I did in my last post, but there are new conflicts and new feelings and emotions that soon came about after this, my grandpa's passing and the end of my relationship with a man that I loved so dearly. 

I have moved out of state, and by saying that it sounds like I flew across the states to some great place! lol I drove to my new place with the help of my family!  It's next to the previous state I lived in.  So far I love it.  At times I can get emotionally depressed, knowing that I have to create a new life here for myself. 

Meeting new people and making friends isn't always a positive thing.  When you're an adult it can be difficult to accomplish, stressful, or is it because I'm a female and I'm thinking too much?

Most women get offensive, they want to know why you want to be their friend, why are you asking questions, who do you know that I know?  But the truth is, I just want someone to talk to, hang with, shop with!

Why is it so difficult for adults to be vulnerable some times? We as adults want to be portrayed as strong and independent; I feel by letting our guard down we can let someone in to hurt us. This may be one of several reasons why people find it so difficult to make new friends.

I find that people aren't really willing to let me in as a friend.  I am pretty open, I think! lol

I've Lost Hope

I had an interview this past weekend for something in which I thought was a great opportunity, but in fact it turned out to be a sales position at Sam's Club.

I am very sad and have lost hope in myself finding a job.  I feel like I am a great worker, I have great work ethic and I am devoted to an employer for years, but no one is really going to give me a chance.  Why?  Because my resume says I'm not experienced enough.

I don't want to sit here and brag about how I can't get a job because I know there are so many of us out there.

I just want advice on how I can gain experience and tips on where to apply so that I can get that job. 

I have been applying like crazy and have been interviewing as well, but I just don't have what experienced candidates have. 

This interview was a reality check for me.  I didn't see what was coming even when it was right in front of me. 

I was really bummed and almost broke out crying, but my bf was trying to help me feel more positive and be positive.  He said, "It was a good learning experience and practice." 

Maybe I really should just go back to school for my graduate degree. 

Please let me know if you have any tips on job searching, applying, and interviewing!  I need some advice because clearly I am doing something wrong. 

It's Been a While

Hi!

It's been a while since the last time I sat and wrote a blog post or wrote in my journal, yes actual pen and paper.

Life as everyone sees it has been flying by.

There's been a lot of things that have changed and things that have stayed the same.

I am for sure trying to relocate now and have an interview this weekend!  I'm super excited for it and none of my employers know, nor do my parents.

I am ready for change and a challenge.  Change in my eating habits, and a challenging workout.  I am ready to move on with my life and not feel like being held back, which is how I feel at this point and time.

Being someone who has always been there for my parents and family, I think it's time that I be more in control of my life based on my own decisions.  At the end of the day I'm the one who makes the decision to turn off the lights.

I don't want to be sitting in the same chair this next summer. 

Sister's Retreat

This past weekend my sisters and I went on a retreat out of town.  It was a much needed trip, Friday to Monday.  I felt so relaxed I didn't want to ever stop relaxing.  We didn't go and do much but we did a lot of bonding, which was the whole point of the trip.

Now that I think about it, we didn't even take much pictures, but we have all the memories and stories we need inside our mind and hearts.

There was a total of five of us that attended, not everyone was able to come.  We mainly talked about ourselves, relationships, career, and each other.  It was powerful, empowering, motivational, soothing, and inspiring.  The things that I was saying to my sisters and the things that they were saying to me and each other was so golden.  I came to realize that I should be taking my own advice, how come I'm telling her this when I am not doing it myself?  It's more difficult done than said. 

We did some shopping here and there but I didn't buy much.  I didn't need much and I was so glad that I didn't buy much because I'll be going out of town again next month. 

We all had to come up with an activity and mine was based on your confidence and trying to empower one another.  Realize what your worth is and what you lack in and better your self-image.  The way that you see yourself is different from what others see us as and that's what I wanted to point out. 

I wanted my sisters to feel and look as beautiful as they are to me and their loved ones.  We can look beautiful on the outside but feel horrible on the inside. 

What are your values?  If you were to meet me, as a stranger what are five things that you would want me to know about you?

I wrote down:
1. family oriented
2. hard working
3. big family
4. plus size
5. event planner, successful

I wrote that, in that order.  Those are some things that I value and want a stranger to know about me, I'm labeling myself here.  What about you?

Testing the Waters

I am sorry to say that I turn to my blog for a lot of venting but I have to write this down in reassurance and evidence, making things more tangible so that I can solve it.

I have come to realize that I am not talented at anything.  This has come across my mind several times throughout my lifetime already, but now I really am positive that I have no talent and I am not getting anywhere in life.

I do a lot but I don't do anything talently. 

I have been on YouTube making videos for over three years and I have only reached over 1,000 subscribers.  I am thankful for those that have subscribed to me, but I see all those other people who have only been on YouTube for a year and they have over 10,000.  It's saying I'm not talented in makeup and in making videos and in fashion, since that is what my videos are about.

I want to model, but I can't even model in front of my boyfriend whom is taking the pictures. lol

I have always wanted to play instruments but I can't even read music notes and I have always loved singing but I can hear myself crack when I try, so I know I can't be a singer.

I think that I need to test the waters and see what my true passion is.  Direct my vision that way and see that even though I'm not talented, I can still work hard, which is what I already do.  I need to stop doing what I'm doing and do something else for a change.

I am not successful in one particular area, and sometimes I wish I was, that way I can take that path and see where it leads me.  I feel my problem is that I like to do a little of everything and that never works out because I'll be too tired of trying to boggle everything and end up not doing anything.

I really do feel that my fatness adds to this all, maybe I'm not successful on YouTube because I'm fat.  Most of the popular ladies on there are skinny and super pretty!  I have to admit, they are the ones that I watch the most being that there are more of them. 

I love supporting plus size women as well, but there aren't too many of them out there that I share the same style with.  There are several, but not as many as I would like. 

I hope that this all helps me in the end, whatever that path may be.