April is almost over, which is crazy business. Graduation is around the corner and yet I feel like I don't deserve it or that I'm still going to be a kid going to school, when is reality going to hit me? When I'm walking on stage to get my degree (which won't really even be in the folder thing)?
I hope reality hits soon so I can be more productive. There are a lot of things I'm looking forward for after graduation. I want to talk a lot about myself because I have a story to be told and there are so many people around me with great stories too! I really want to add it to my YouTube channel but I'm afraid no one will listen.
What will become of me after my internship this summer? Will I get a job and do great things? Will I get my degree, do my internship, get fat, and help my mom by working anywhere?
I hope I lose some weight so I can be more healthy than I am now. I want to make sure I get my period every month and be able to exercise a few times a week! I want to know that I have money in my pocket to pay bills and have a little fun. I want to be productive in everything I do. I want to connect more with my viewers on YouTube, Twitter, and Blogspot!
The Nature of ME
Me Being at My Best, ME!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Resentment
I cry for just about everything.
Sometimes I think that no matter what I cry about it doesn't matter anymore because the tears just keep falling. No matter what the situation is I am always crying.
I find myself crying over the small things the most and for the people I love.
Do you think that after people love you so much they can hate you? They feel resentment?
Then they end up giving up on you.
Maybe it's time to give up!
I spent the whole day crying to myself about everything. Family, friends, love, movies...
Thought about death and how scary it is, but I think that death doesn't come until you realize that you're ready, or at least I hope so.
It's depressing that I write things down more often when I'm sad rather than when I'm happy.
I think he resents me. He feels so much hate towards me that he's giving up on me.
Maybe that's why every time he doesn't care to contact me. I'm the one to make the first move, to apologize, to cry and ask for forgiveness.
Love is not about being shy of your feelings or feeling like you are being desperate when you tell them you still want to be with them, all of that doesn't matter when there's love.
How come I feel I'm the only one feeling these things?
Is this a one side relationship?
A few days ago I was taking a shower and had my undies hanging by the towel, I was talking to God and Jesus and I felt someone or something touch my shoulder ever so lightly. It scared me and it made me think that that was a sign from God, I turned around and found that it was my undies that brushed my shoulder.
Why can't I get another sign like that to reassure me that I'm on the right path with the right person?
Why am I always feeling bad and sorry for this person? Does he feel the same way or does he always feel that he's right? Does he think that I think I'm always right? I'm the only one who's ever apologized.
No matter how many tears fall, it doesn't matter.
I just have to realize that no one loves you as much as yourself. If you don't love yourself than there is no one left. No hope.
Sometimes I think that no matter what I cry about it doesn't matter anymore because the tears just keep falling. No matter what the situation is I am always crying.
I find myself crying over the small things the most and for the people I love.
Do you think that after people love you so much they can hate you? They feel resentment?
Then they end up giving up on you.
Maybe it's time to give up!
I spent the whole day crying to myself about everything. Family, friends, love, movies...
Thought about death and how scary it is, but I think that death doesn't come until you realize that you're ready, or at least I hope so.
It's depressing that I write things down more often when I'm sad rather than when I'm happy.
I think he resents me. He feels so much hate towards me that he's giving up on me.
Maybe that's why every time he doesn't care to contact me. I'm the one to make the first move, to apologize, to cry and ask for forgiveness.
Love is not about being shy of your feelings or feeling like you are being desperate when you tell them you still want to be with them, all of that doesn't matter when there's love.
How come I feel I'm the only one feeling these things?
Is this a one side relationship?
A few days ago I was taking a shower and had my undies hanging by the towel, I was talking to God and Jesus and I felt someone or something touch my shoulder ever so lightly. It scared me and it made me think that that was a sign from God, I turned around and found that it was my undies that brushed my shoulder.
Why can't I get another sign like that to reassure me that I'm on the right path with the right person?
Why am I always feeling bad and sorry for this person? Does he feel the same way or does he always feel that he's right? Does he think that I think I'm always right? I'm the only one who's ever apologized.
No matter how many tears fall, it doesn't matter.
I just have to realize that no one loves you as much as yourself. If you don't love yourself than there is no one left. No hope.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
How We've All Changed
I am 22 years old now, soon to be 23 next month.
From the time I was 21 and now there were many differences.
From the time I was 18 and now there were even more differences.
When I was 16, I was still adventuring.
13, when I first became a teenager, I felt so young.
I remember thinking wow, I can never go back to living in the one digits when I turned 10. I felt so strange and yet nothing really happened when I turned 10.
I can't believe how fast everything is going. My childhood is only a memory now. I would love to sit and watch all of my childhood memories in videos and in pictures.
I wish my parents would have developed my high school graduation pictures so I could have that on hand. They are so forgetful.
It makes me so sad that I am growing old and getting wrinkles. What have I done?
I am someone who used to be so happy, I still am, but for some stupid reason I like to down myself in sorrow. I say I like to, because I do it so often, so I must like to do it right?
Wishing I was young again, wishing I didn't have responsibilities. Wishing I didn't need anyone else to rely on or that no one needed to rely on me.
Who am I God? I have changed in so many ways, I would like to say that it's for the better, but I really don't know. Have I made a difference in someone's life?
Who are the people around me. I've heard before that your friends are a mirror image of you. Is that true?
I can't believe how much I've changed and yet I think I haven't changed at all.
From the time I was 21 and now there were many differences.
From the time I was 18 and now there were even more differences.
When I was 16, I was still adventuring.
13, when I first became a teenager, I felt so young.
I remember thinking wow, I can never go back to living in the one digits when I turned 10. I felt so strange and yet nothing really happened when I turned 10.
I can't believe how fast everything is going. My childhood is only a memory now. I would love to sit and watch all of my childhood memories in videos and in pictures.
I wish my parents would have developed my high school graduation pictures so I could have that on hand. They are so forgetful.
It makes me so sad that I am growing old and getting wrinkles. What have I done?
I am someone who used to be so happy, I still am, but for some stupid reason I like to down myself in sorrow. I say I like to, because I do it so often, so I must like to do it right?
Wishing I was young again, wishing I didn't have responsibilities. Wishing I didn't need anyone else to rely on or that no one needed to rely on me.
Who am I God? I have changed in so many ways, I would like to say that it's for the better, but I really don't know. Have I made a difference in someone's life?
Who are the people around me. I've heard before that your friends are a mirror image of you. Is that true?
I can't believe how much I've changed and yet I think I haven't changed at all.
Monday, February 13, 2012
What If?
Okay I'm going to be a little on the down side right now just because I can. I know it's a day away from Valentine's Day and no one needs to be reading about depressing stuff. But I just had a thought and it makes me very sad.
What if someone like me who blogs wrote a suicide note on their blog and no one saw it? I know no one reads my blog posts besides me, so what if it were the same for this suicidal person?
I'm not saying it's me, I love my life and all, I was just thinking this because I don't get any readers. Sure I have followers but I doubt they read anything. Reading is boring!
It is very sad, I am guilty of it myself. I hope that if this ever were to happen someone takes it seriously and tries to help and succeeds. We need to be more aware of everyone's thoughts and feelings. We need to be appreciative of others.
Valentine's Day is coming tomorrow and I know a handful of people who are loved but may feel alone on this day. Some may say it's stupid to be giving on this day and not on any other day, but every day is the same to a lot of people. Jazz it up a bit! Make some love and give a little. Show some kind of appreciation.
I have someone and yet I feel alone. I admit it, I don't care. Just because you are with someone doesn't mean that other person or you, will receive or give anything. Sad isn't it? Doesn't it feel wasted?
All those people who are single don't get anything and they feel sad because they have no one, well reality check. Even if you have someone you may or may not get anything anyways. People are so materialistic. Shoot, I am! I love my makeup, jewelry, and clothes! I want things too! If I wine and cry will I get it? Maybe, but not for the same reason that I wanted them for, so that defeats the whole purpose.
Am I mapping out an equation or something?
I'm just telling how it is. One thing leads to another. The bf will never read this so don't worry. Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad person, he's just not a very giving person.
What if someone like me who blogs wrote a suicide note on their blog and no one saw it? I know no one reads my blog posts besides me, so what if it were the same for this suicidal person?
I'm not saying it's me, I love my life and all, I was just thinking this because I don't get any readers. Sure I have followers but I doubt they read anything. Reading is boring!
It is very sad, I am guilty of it myself. I hope that if this ever were to happen someone takes it seriously and tries to help and succeeds. We need to be more aware of everyone's thoughts and feelings. We need to be appreciative of others.
Valentine's Day is coming tomorrow and I know a handful of people who are loved but may feel alone on this day. Some may say it's stupid to be giving on this day and not on any other day, but every day is the same to a lot of people. Jazz it up a bit! Make some love and give a little. Show some kind of appreciation.
I have someone and yet I feel alone. I admit it, I don't care. Just because you are with someone doesn't mean that other person or you, will receive or give anything. Sad isn't it? Doesn't it feel wasted?
All those people who are single don't get anything and they feel sad because they have no one, well reality check. Even if you have someone you may or may not get anything anyways. People are so materialistic. Shoot, I am! I love my makeup, jewelry, and clothes! I want things too! If I wine and cry will I get it? Maybe, but not for the same reason that I wanted them for, so that defeats the whole purpose.
Am I mapping out an equation or something?
I'm just telling how it is. One thing leads to another. The bf will never read this so don't worry. Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad person, he's just not a very giving person.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Positivity
I have been attending a positive training session and I love it! Sometimes I admit that happy people are annoying, you think, WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY YOU FREAK, or you think they're annoying and want them to shut up. BUT, everyday there is sadness and we need more happy people in our lives and in the world.
SO I have decided that I'm going to change myself a little to improve, for the better and be POSITIVE. I'm only going to think positive thoughts, be happy, and annoying (if that's what you think happy people are).
It was a goal for my channel for me to be more enthusiastic in my videos and I feel like that's how it should be in life too. I have to be more enthusiastic and live more, take more chances and opportunities, I have to be more happy and laughing and crazy wild (in an appropriate way).
Positivity can change you! Surround yourself with positivity and positive people. I heard someone say get rid of all the negative people. And to me, that is harsh, but I understand, but I don't know if I could do that. I'm a pretty friendly and caring person, so I can't do just that, but I get what they mean.
Negative people drag you down with them and you don't want to feel that way. They ruin your day and make you mopey. Who wants to be mopey other than E-or? Is that even how you spell his name?
Anyways, I hope you become positive too, I'm not forcing you, I'm simply asking and hoping you will bring the enthusiasm in your life!
Scream a little, or a lot!!! Laugh loud and proud. Be you but with more emphasis!
SO I have decided that I'm going to change myself a little to improve, for the better and be POSITIVE. I'm only going to think positive thoughts, be happy, and annoying (if that's what you think happy people are).
It was a goal for my channel for me to be more enthusiastic in my videos and I feel like that's how it should be in life too. I have to be more enthusiastic and live more, take more chances and opportunities, I have to be more happy and laughing and crazy wild (in an appropriate way).
Positivity can change you! Surround yourself with positivity and positive people. I heard someone say get rid of all the negative people. And to me, that is harsh, but I understand, but I don't know if I could do that. I'm a pretty friendly and caring person, so I can't do just that, but I get what they mean.
Negative people drag you down with them and you don't want to feel that way. They ruin your day and make you mopey. Who wants to be mopey other than E-or? Is that even how you spell his name?
Anyways, I hope you become positive too, I'm not forcing you, I'm simply asking and hoping you will bring the enthusiasm in your life!
Scream a little, or a lot!!! Laugh loud and proud. Be you but with more emphasis!
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