Internship

I am looking for an internship for public relations! If I get one I would be SOOO happy. It will be super difficult since I'll be in New Zealand for four months. I hope someone gives me one! Even if it's not for PR, at least something to do with writing and document design. My life would be at ease, please spread the word!

Breakup

Yesterday I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. I confessed what my sister had said to me to the BF, he agreed and was very understanding. He said that if we were to take a break or breakup, why wait? I figured I would give him time to think it over before any harsh decisions were made. He said we might-as-well do it now, since it's going to happen. I figured, I don't want to argue and wanted to leave in good terms. I feel empty today.

I don't want to laugh, sing, dance in the rain like I did when I was with him. No he's not close to me, four to five hours away, but I felt like he was here because we were together, now that we're not, I feel that he's even further away. Like he's in a different world and there's no way I can get him back, do I want to get him back? Of course, but how can I when I was the one who suggested it? When there needs to be changes made to the both of us, I never got to tell him that I am the one who doesn't deserve him. Yet I was laying in bed telling him all the things that he needs to change, I am the one who needs the most changing.

I felt like I was Mulan today, or however you spell her name, the Chinese girl who paints her face to please others. I feel that way today, I was painting my face with makeup and felt a lie. Like I was putting a show that I feel good today, but I don't and no I am not ok. I feel like her today, Mulan. I have to go fight the world without him and start anew. I have to save myself from everything out there without him. Am I vulnerable? Yes, to him, I relied on him heavily and here we are, not together because of my selfishness.

If there is ever a time where we meet again, after changes have already been made, I would love to love him again and show him the great changes I have made in my life. That I can be patient, not care so much about what others think, and that I'm not a mean, selfish, bitch.

But for now, we have to wait until time passes and ourselves change for the better, so until we meet again, we should evolve to be greater than we are now. Until then my love, until we can change, I can't wait!

Busy

Sorry, I've been abandoning you lately, there's just so much to do and so stressful too! Sorry, but I have a lot on mind. I have completed just about everything for New Zealand, have 54 subscribers now, doing hw like I should be and the BF is stressing me out, but it's all good, lol! Keep in touch!

Complaining

I hate when people complain, I hate hearing it and it's annoying. I complain all the time though, even though I complain and others complain, you can't do much about it but listen and agree or disagree. Complaining helps you cope with something and it helps you release stress. I do it, you do it, so why do people COMPLAIN about COMPLAINING? lol and I am complaining about people who complain about others complaining.. if that makes any sense, it does to me.. lol

Be Thankful

Be thankful for what you have! I realize that every once in a while and I am so happy that I have what I have. Just a few minutes ago I was talking to a stranger, he told me how his father kicked him out of the house because he skipped work. He threw his clothes in the rain and locked him out, he was sitting in his car wondering if he should leave town or try to make it work like all the other times. After I talked to him for a while, he told me that he was heading to his sister's house far from there, he grabbed his wet clothes from the pouring rain and headed on a road trip hoping to find a warm bed at his sister's house, as I pray for him!