Sometimes

Sometimes you feel so alone when there's so many people around you. You find that you're the only one standing still and thinking about what's going on and seeing everyone moving and going about their own lives with so much excitement and happiness. You think to yourself, why can't I be that girl smiling and laughing, holding onto her best friends arm and wondering if they will meet any new friends today; or why can't I be that other girl smiling and laughing at her parents being so silly? You realize that you have caught yourself at a bad moment, a bad time to be in a bad mood, and you have no idea how to get rid of this emotion of sadness and loneliness.

You try to walk around and smile to others, but surely they can too sense that there is something wrong, they can see it in your eyes, the way your cheeks just droop down without a smiling crease.

Walking along all these happy memories, people don't even realize that you feel so alone, that you too would like to be just as happy as they are.

Sometimes you are the person that is the happy one and don't realize there is a sad person there along with you, or in the same room as you.

Taking a photo with a crowd in the back you don't realize that there are tears on her eyes, just a few people back. You catch that moment but you don't realize it.

Sometimes people take a photo with you in the background and find you in the photo later, and wonder to themselves, what were you thinking about at that very moment? What made you so sad? It could have been anything, sometimes you just catch people at the wrong times with the wrong mood, and sometimes you find yourself catching yourself in the wrong mood at the wrong time.

What is the solution?

If I knew, I wouldn't be writing this.

Stressing AGAIN

I'm so stressed... and yet I'm shopping online. LMAO

I'm looking for Skinny Dip'n in Lake Michigan by OPI. That's the only color that I want from them and I can't find it other than on ebay which is overpriced. LAME!!!

Anyways, classes are starting soon and I want to add a couple and drop one. I just recently found that you could get a event planning and management certificate from my university. I would love that for PR work!! That way I can have evidence that I am certified or that I took courses to plan events! So exciting!! Even though I already have done things like this and have succeeded, it would be nice to put on my resume.

The only thing is that the classes are not available, not sure why either, so I had to email the professor and she's taking a while to write back which doesn't really help me since I don't have the internet at home and I have to find out when I have to pick up my books and I'm just so worried that I won't get those classes to get the certificate because I graduate after this school year. WHEW! That was a mouthful in my head.

Wish me luck people!

Stressing Like No Other

Ever since I've been back to the states, I feel so stressed. The fact that there's no one in the house with my mom anymore, the fact that I haven't done my internship, my grandpa being sick, my sister-in-law fainting, my grandma having stomach pains and going to the ER, my cousin passing away due to stomach cancer; all so stressful.

Death is really just around the corner and I am so scared and worried about everyone. I feel like I can't leave to go to school and do anything because of all this stress. What am I to do? I wish there were more people to help out, but there isn't and that's also very stressful. Besides all that, we garden and sell veggies and that's a whole summer's work.

The BF says I should just let my parents know that after I graduate and get my career going they won't have to worry so much about money, and I guess I just didn't have that much confidence in myself to even think that I'll be making good pay. I hope I do, of course, but we will see. I have to talk to my parents and tell them to not do so much gardening so that I can do my internship and graduate and not stress about them so much. When they do a lot of gardening I feel really stressed and can't do anything but help them, I don't want to get a job because then no one will help my mom and I'll be too tired to help her when I get home from work. I come home every summer to help my parents and it's taking a toll on me.

I'm not saying I don't want to help, of course I do, but I need a lot of time to get going on YouTube, my internship, my career, and decide what I want to do with myself/career.

I would love to be a Public Relations Specialist for a cosmetic company or a magazine company!! That would be lovely, or I could even be a writer for a magazine relating to fashion, makeup, and all things girly!!! :D

Stress is making me depressed, I feel so tired and can't get anything done. I have been reading books to uplift this chaos out of my head and live to be happy and healthy. Lately I've been craving veggie dishes, most likely because they were so good when I was in NZ my flatmates loved veggie dishes and I was so surprised how much I liked it!!! :D Yumm, I will have to make another veggie dish real soon! :D

Anyways, soon everyone will get better and this stress will surpass, just like all the other times it surpasses. With God next to my heart and my family next to my side, I can do anything! :D

OMG It's Been FOREVER

I know, it's been forever since I have written on here or been online at all. It's been a crazy month and a half since I've been back into the states, all I want to do is shop and hang out instead of wasting time online. But I'm sure I'll be stuck online again once I start school. It's so difficult to not say uni like I do in NZ, lol or toilet, but it's not as bad as what they told me to prepare myself for. I don't want to do any of those things such as powerpoints or speaking out to my program about my travels, why? Because it wasn't AS great as I wanted it to be, it was good, but not great (at times it is, but at other times depending on what I reflect on, it's not). I'm just glad to be back where I was originally! Can't wait to get started at school again and see all my friends, oh how I miss them so much!! :D

Officially Out Of NZ

I'm officially out of NZ and in Australia. I have 3 hours until my next flight which is going to be 15 hours long to LA and then a 5 hour flight to Chicago. I can't wait for this to be over-with, I'm so sick of traveling! Plus I hate it when I have everything laid out in front of me and I have to go somewhere and I have to pack it all up and bring it with me just to use the bathroom or get some water. Traveling alone like this also sucks, no one to help you watch your stuff.

Anyways, I miss NZ but this is good for me, I think I have grown a lot from this experience. I am so glad I came! Such a great experience now that I look back on it! yay me!! I DID IT!

I lasted half a year without family and friends around. So sad though, those 6 months, but now that I will be back, I will cherish them all so much more than I have before!! Or at least I hope I do!!

I'm also excited to start blogging on fashion!!! :D I have some really nice shoes I've been meaning to show everyone! Great finds!! :D