Testing the Waters

I am sorry to say that I turn to my blog for a lot of venting but I have to write this down in reassurance and evidence, making things more tangible so that I can solve it.

I have come to realize that I am not talented at anything.  This has come across my mind several times throughout my lifetime already, but now I really am positive that I have no talent and I am not getting anywhere in life.

I do a lot but I don't do anything talently. 

I have been on YouTube making videos for over three years and I have only reached over 1,000 subscribers.  I am thankful for those that have subscribed to me, but I see all those other people who have only been on YouTube for a year and they have over 10,000.  It's saying I'm not talented in makeup and in making videos and in fashion, since that is what my videos are about.

I want to model, but I can't even model in front of my boyfriend whom is taking the pictures. lol

I have always wanted to play instruments but I can't even read music notes and I have always loved singing but I can hear myself crack when I try, so I know I can't be a singer.

I think that I need to test the waters and see what my true passion is.  Direct my vision that way and see that even though I'm not talented, I can still work hard, which is what I already do.  I need to stop doing what I'm doing and do something else for a change.

I am not successful in one particular area, and sometimes I wish I was, that way I can take that path and see where it leads me.  I feel my problem is that I like to do a little of everything and that never works out because I'll be too tired of trying to boggle everything and end up not doing anything.

I really do feel that my fatness adds to this all, maybe I'm not successful on YouTube because I'm fat.  Most of the popular ladies on there are skinny and super pretty!  I have to admit, they are the ones that I watch the most being that there are more of them. 

I love supporting plus size women as well, but there aren't too many of them out there that I share the same style with.  There are several, but not as many as I would like. 

I hope that this all helps me in the end, whatever that path may be.