The Nature of ME

The Nature of ME
Me Being at My Best, ME!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I'm SOO Excited!!!

I have been obsessed with the word obsessed.. no not really, but I have been obsessed with anything to do with fashion. I'm not talking the runway, I'm talking about the fashion you see on blogs, the ones where real people wear the clothes!

I am obsessed with everyone's different looks, and I wish I were that bold and awesome! Too bad I'm not, the clothes just sits on me, and it's pretty boring... :C

But this summer will be different, I'm so excited! My BF will (I hope) be my photographer and I will somewhat dress up everyday (or as much as I can) and post it up! So stay tuned for that! I know you all want to know what I wear! LOL nothing special, so maybe I shouldn't write this because I might embarrass myself, LMAO OH WELL!!!

You'd rather embarrass yourself looking good than bad......

unless you look bad that's why you're embarrassing yourself. (I'm talking about myself guys)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Oh Happy Day!

Today is a wonderful day! It's sunny and beautiful! I love the way my hair is today too! I curled it, no makeup, just the curls, my outfit and my jewelry! I think simple is good!

I have yoga tonight too so it makes my day so much better and relaxing, I used to never like Mondays but now it's like my favorite day of the week! I get to sleep in, get ready and still have time to walk slowly to class! Right after class I go study in the library and then it's yoga time! After yoga I go home and eat dinner, and then I study some more or slack off and head to bed!

Sounds like a great day isn't it? It is! I love the having time to myself, but I think when you have too much time to yourself it can be overwhelming.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Crying On The Inside

I have literally had the worst experience here, well I'm sure it's not the worst but it's definitely as great as I assumed it would be. You sure do have to be a strong person to do this type of thing, and I am not. I hate how my blogs are so depressing, but I need to vent to someone/something. I'm tired of complaining to people, they don't care of they have their own problems to deal with and I just don't want to get them involved. Thank you blog! I wish I had a good friend here to speak to, tell him or her everything and have them make me feel better about it. It would be nice if they were a Kiwi, that way they can explain things to me.
Today in my Sociology of NZ tutorial class, one of the guys in my group didn't know how to spell jewelry, and everyone started to spell it differently, I was like what? That is not how you spell it. One of the girls who is a Kiwi spelled it j-e-w-e-l-l-e-r-y. The other Kiwi heard how I spelled it and said, it must be an American thing (the way I spelled it).
Besides that, everything seems to be depressing me. It would be nice that if I was depressed I wouldn't eat, that way I can lose weight faster! I get depressed kind of a lot, but I don't tell anyone because what's the use of that? There's no point in telling someone how I feel when they have their own problems and they don't care and I don't really even want to talk about it.
I have God by my side. I keep thinking that and I'll be ok. Soon I will be home and everything will be better. I wish I wasn't so stupid, everything in class, I just seem to not understand, or I get it all wrong and turn in work that is useless. I do have a learning disability, what is it? STUPIDITY. I have no idea how I got this far.
My professor replied with a sterness saying that my excuse for turning in html on a Mac is not good enough and he's not going to mark my work. He still wanted me to send what I had and then he P.S.'d and said haven't you been attending lectures and tutorials? WTF? Hell yeah I have, I paid for this crap, of course I'm going to attend, and I came here to learn, not drink like other stupid people.
I'm being mean. I need to go yoga myself back into calmness.....

Sunday, March 20, 2011


The courses (papers) that I am taking here are so confusing, I wish the professor would just slow down and explain it more thoroughly, or is it that I'm just stupid, or is it that I'm an international student and I don't understand the concept because of that? I don't want it to be an excuse, but it is the excuse. I e-mail for help and I still feel lost. I feel so stupid, yet these things that we are doing I have done similar things in my courses back at my university. The only problem is the homework that they give out, I don't understand it, if I were to understand what they are asking us to do then I would be fine and do wonderfully. The fact is, I don't know what they want, they aren't even specific on what they want and how they want it. I'm going insane and can't wait to get home. I don't think I should have taken such high level courses, they always speak of the courses that we took in 101 or 202, except, I wasn't here for that, I was taught this stuff in the states......

It would have been nice if someone were to tell me ahead of time that it would be like this, that way I wouldn't have taken these courses, I mean sure it's a good experience, but not when I'm so confused and frustrated, it could affect my grade. Not cool...

The people that I know in those courses are slackers, I worry and do more than they do, that doesn't help either....

I'll just have to cope with it and make sure that I ask more questions and send more emails out to my professor who probably know me by name out of the 200+ students he or she has...

so sad...

wish me luck!!!!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Apples and Photoshop

I took a few hundred pictures today of myself being weird! lol I was so bored and hungry and tired that I had to entertain myself! I'll show you guys too, so you all know what I mean. I have been getting a lot better with my photoshop skills and I am so thankful because it'll be good for my future! I have no idea to touch up photos yet, but I hear that's the easy part, since I know how to do the hard part, I'm sure I can do the easy part!!!

So I decided to take pictures of myself eating an apple, and thought it would be an even better idea if I made it look like someone gave it to me, using my own arm! I did a few times but it just didn't look so real. I was taking it on my photobooth so it can take four shots right after one another and it'll put it in a collage type thing, so I wanted to post it as my display picture but it wouldn't load all of them, it was single pictures. Of course I had to turn to photoshop, and I had to erase part of my shoulder and arm so it looks more real! LOL

It really does look like someone gave me an apple!

And if you're wondering what's on my hand (the one holding an apple) it's henna! Did it last night, not the best but I'll post pictures on that too!!!!! It looks like I'm hiding behind my huge hand, but I'm not, lol

See for yourself my photoshop skills, LOL (not even good compared to others, but good enough in my book)!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


No matter who is in your life you will some point in time feel lonely. It's ok! I feel lonely and I have parents, siblings, friends, and a bf, but sometimes I feel like no one can soothe that lonely feeling.

Being all the way over here in NZ doesn't help much either. Maybe the person that I seem to be to everyone is strong and independent but I'm exactly opposite.

Lately I've been feeling very lonely. I feel it because I don't have people that I can be myself with. You're thinking, what? Yes, I feel like it is such a struggle to be me, Hmong which most people don't even know we exist and plus size which everyone judges.

Maybe coming here was a bad idea, and I really apologize for sounding so depressing all the time. I guess I don't write much when I'm happy.

What I really want to do is cuddle with my parents and know that when I wake up they will still be there! I just want to be home....

I hate you loneliness.

Saturday, March 12, 2011


It has been very scary lately, being over here in New Zealand. There was an earthquake at Christchurch in New Zealand and it was really bad. Even my kiwi-host said she felt the aftershock. I just can't believe how crazy bad it is, I thank God that I wasn't there or that the earthquake wasn't here. My family and friends were really worried about me, I am fine.
Just two days ago in Japan there was an earthquake as well, which erupted a tsunami. It is horrible, the footages gave me the chills. I pray to God that everyone is ok and that no more people will get hurt. After hearing all of this, I read an e-mail saying that New Zealand is going to be hit with a tsunami as well. The e-mail also stated that the tsunami will only be hitting the north island of New Zealand and that it will be small. I haven't been watching the news so I don't know if it has happened or not. I have been so paranoid and trying to stay away from all the horrible things floating around the internet because it will only make me more paranoid.
Being in a new side of the world is very scary. I am very worried about what will happen next, if anything. I hope that God will be on everyone's side and help us all so that nothing bad will happen. I am so sad and devastated that all of this is happening. I hope that all gets better!
I don't want my parents hearing about these matters, which I know they will, but it will make them really worried and paranoid too. My mom has been sick lately so I hope that she doesn't get too worried about this, it may cause her to be more ill.
Please God, let there be no more pain and suffering, let there be no more. Please keep everyone safe! I pray to you in hopes that you will answer! Amen!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Weight Loss

Lately I've been getting remarks about weight loss, from my mom and the bf. Mainly from people back at home, and as much as I want to believe it and it's a good thing, I doubt it's true at all. I mean sure I do a lot of walking, but not to the extent that I actually lose weight and people notice it. I think it's just because they haven't seen me in a while, although I would love it so much if I did!! lol