The Nature of ME

The Nature of ME
Me Being at My Best, ME!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Self-Confidence Makeover

I have been inspired to give to those who don't have anything. I don't have much and can't do much to help them in the sense of money but I can help by giving them a boost of confidence, a boost of energy and compliments to make their day better.

I want to do something along the lines of giving other women who don't feel confident to feel confident in their skin. Somehow I want to make them feel as beautiful as they are on the inside, on the outside.

Now I am not the best at doing makeup, but I would love to go around and help those who feel that they need that extra boost of confidence. I will start as soon as I can.

I have just thought of a great idea!

I will start putting on makeup on those who around me and then go from there. For every woman that I put makeup on to build their confidence, I will take their picture and post it (with their consent). I will most likely make another blog so that it doesn't conflict with this blog and show the world how confident woman can be. I can go from one woman to the next in building their confidence by simple things like blush, lipstick, and mascara.

This will be a great movement! One day maybe I can travel on my own expense to help woman around the world to build their confidence in being who they are! In walking in their own shoes and walking with their head held high!

I cannot give them money, but I can help give them self-confidence, which is more valuable! When one looks good, they feel good, and when you feel good, you do much better in just about everything!

Self-Confidence Makeover Word Press

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


What if being with someone for so many years you realize that you were with the wrong person all along?

What if you find out certain things about this person and it makes you wish you were never with them from the beginning? or that you never found out about it. but then again, if you don't, it's bound to happen sooner or later.

What if the person from the beginning before this other person was the one that you were supposed to be with, but then there was a miscommunication?

Do you think they'll come back? Or should you go track them down? Has it been too long? Will they even remember you?


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Golden Rule

"Do onto others what you want done onto you"

Don't I deserve to be treated good? They say do onto others as you want done onto u, but I have yet to receive the good that I have passed on.

I feel that I am usually always following that rule and not getting the respect and care that I have done onto others.

I find myself crying all the time because I feel so unappreciated. I feel others use me because of this Golden Rule, because I want to be good.

Please don't make me a bad person because of this.

I just find myself lost, wondering when people will turn around and realize that I have been there for them and that I too need help.

I fall and fall again, and the only soul that knows besides God and I, is the bf.

He sees me fall, cry, wail and know my pain. He gets upset, frustrated, and angry due to my lack of telling others or letting them walk all over me.

But what can I do? They are family, they are friends. Whom I love and care about. Those family and friends will know sooner or later.

I just hope that I can stay calm and innocent until they do realize it.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

You Robbed Me

I feel so depressed.

Something has come over me. I can't think of anything other than my family. I don't want to do anything but be with my family.

I'm so stressed, I don't want to do anything, I don't want to feel happy or joyful because my family can't feel the same way, or they don't feel the same way.

When that person came into my brother's home and stole his stuff with their bare hands, that was when they robbed my brother. They robbed him of his happiness, they robbed him of his joy, his happiness, his life. They robbed his family's joy and happiness. They robbed us of time.

This stranger took what was materialistic in this world, but meant a lot to us.

It made our tears shed and I will never forget it. I can't forget it. Every time I feel happy, I think again about what happened and realize that my brother and sister-in-law are suffering. I don't have the right to be happy right now, I don't have the right to be thinking about other things than them. I need to find a way to soothe their pain and sorrows.

On top of that, there are other stressful things lingering in my head.

I just want to cry. There is nothing that I can do. Why must I feel this way? Why did this happen to us? What is the reason for this mishap?

God, please tell me why this is happening and what we should do to make it better. I ask for an answer, for a sign. I am losing hope, something that that person also robbed us of.

Why is it so difficult for life to give us a break when we need one? Something happens to us and we pause our lives for it, but life doesn't pause for us. Everything still moves along, just like the clock moves along. No one waits for us to catch up. Life just keeps on going and when we are able to come back to life, reality will be there for us to jump back into the realm of things.

I hate that. Life goes on. What if I don't want it to? What if I can't move on, go on with life? I am stuck in this position of depression, not sure if I could/should laugh or smile again.

Will someone let me know what your thoughts are on this? I feel so deprived of encouragement.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

How Cruel Can A Person Be?

This past weekend was the Hmong New Year for the city that I was in. I was so excited in going and seeing all my friends and family. Dressing up in Hmong clothes and looking and feeling great.

Only to find out later that someone broke into my brother's place and stole their safes. Stole all their games and playstation and xbox.

Everything basically was gone.

They just had a baby, my siser-in-law is on maternity leave.

They have one paycheck left to live on.

I thought to myself, how can someone be so cruel? What in your right mind makes you do this? What do you feel in doing this, happiness? Guilt? Are you proud of yourself? What are you going to do with their information, their money, their important things?

I prayed to God so many times. I prayed to him asking what I did wrong for my family to deserve this, I prayed to him to catch the bad people, to punish them for their doings. I prayed to give my brother them strength, they have to be strong for the baby.

How can you just live on? Can't you just pause the world for this? I am so stressed I don't want to do homework, I don't want to think about assignments, graduation, food, internships.

I feel like I want to email my professors to let them know, but what good is that going to do? They didn't rob me, they robbed my brother. Although I am very hurt and stressed, what can I do?

Most likely they will be moving in with my mom for the time being until they can move on their own again. Until they feel safe elsewhere.

God, please help them. I know that I don't deserve your good blessings, but what did they do wrong to deserve this? Please help them catch the bad people, make them pay for what they did to my family. The tears that they shed today will be in my memories for the rest of my life. My brother's sobs that were so painful it struck my heart and made my tears run like water. My sister-in-laws cries that were so shockingly scary and worrisome that it makes you want to hurt those people that hurt them. Please God, don't make us bad people from hating the bad people. Don't make the bad out of us come out because of those bad people. Please keep us strong, help us so we can carry on, make it right again! Amen.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Crazy Business

Just today, or yesterday October the 3rd, 2011 I got an e-mail at around 4pm. I wasn't sure if it was a fake scam email or not because I've been getting them a lot lately. I first saw it through my phone first and then went onto my laptop to check it out.

There it was, from an important Senior Project Manager stating that we met at the Career Fair and that a position for a project manager has opened up. She would like me to start as a part-time and it may lead to a full time job.

I'm thinking, WT (WHAT THE)?????????????? :D

From wanting an internship to becoming a part-time project manager???

and possibly being a full time project manager?

Am I ready for this?

I prayed to God desperately a few weeks ago, and now he has answered my prayers.

Not only is he giving me this opportunity, but even the other job that I applied for seems like it's going to be promising.

I'm so clueless right now, I want both, yet I already have a job and I want that too.

I can't be a full time student and work 3 jobs, I'll go mad.

I wish I could do that, but it's just impossible.

"I'll simply deny you the crown and live forever!"

LOL that's from Ever After, Henry (the Prince's dad stated that to Henry).

Anyways, I'll have to take the project manager if nothing else opens, I did apply for two already in my hometown and haven't heard from them, so I'll have to take this, but the thing is, it's not an internship, it's a part-time. I'll definitely have to talk to the senior project manager about that.

As for the other jobs, I'll have to let it go to someone else who needs it more than I do.


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

My Interview Today

I had an interview today and for some reason like always, I am so nervous, but when I get up there I do absolutely fine. I sometimes don't answer the question right, but then I give them something good so they leave it alone, lol.

I did so well. I guess I was intimidated because there were two men throwing questions at me. But I tackled it like a pro.

I can tell one of the guys really wants me for this position and the other has no expression, he didn't really care much, it seemed or didn't believe me.

But all in all it was good, sometimes I want to kick myself for answering so stupidly, but it was professional and I did what I could do.

Thank you for your guidance, mom, dad, and God!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Another One Of My Realizations

I have come to realize another thought, that blogs/writings/poems/songs are not written/spoken/said to be grammatically correct, it is written/spoken/said to get the point out there, to get it across, to send the message.

So what if I can't spell, can you read it? Can you make sense of what I'm trying to say and my thoughts that are being poured before you?

Don't judge me on my spelling if I can't spell, or if my grammar is totally off but you like my ideas, I can work on my grammar, but great ideas don't come easily.

So the next time you read something, if the idea is there and the grammar isn't, don't comment on the grammar, just be glad there are these type of people who have fast enough utensils/fingers to write all of these thoughts down to be able to be where we are today!

You're welcome for realizing this so you don't make another mistake!!! :D

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Finding Time

For some reason I have always felt that I never have time for anything, yet I find myself looking for things to buy online, or sitting doing nothing, or watching tv/drama/youtube. Finding time is so difficult to do, I think what I really need to do is just write down all the things I need to do and then when I find myself sitting around and doing nothing, I can just do some of that stuff and then check it off my list!!! I'm actually pretty productive when I have a list to accomplish, I feel so accomplished when I check them off!!!!!!!

Finding time is something that everyone deals with, but for me I think I especially have a hard time because I feel so lazy and I would just rather not. Living a certain routine can lead you to doing that. Think, you don't bring money and fame with you when you die, you just bring your thoughts and memories, what kind of memories should I make happen so when I die, I can be happy?

I want to live it up, what does that mean? Live life to its fullest, what does that mean?

I just want to live, I want to do what I want, buy what I want, and live like I want to. Eat the things I want to eat, and refuse to the things I don't want to do. If someone is bullying me, I better speak back, I'm not going to let it go, life is too short to live like that. Speak up for yourself, if you don't, who will? You don't even want to help yourself, who does?

Sounding depressing?

This isn't to make anyone sad, depressed, or start eating ice cream, this is to share with the world on thoughts about life.

Make memories and decisions that you will have for the rest of your life, not things you'll regret not doing or doing.

You got this?

Friday, September 23, 2011


Sometimes you feel so alone when there's so many people around you. You find that you're the only one standing still and thinking about what's going on and seeing everyone moving and going about their own lives with so much excitement and happiness. You think to yourself, why can't I be that girl smiling and laughing, holding onto her best friends arm and wondering if they will meet any new friends today; or why can't I be that other girl smiling and laughing at her parents being so silly? You realize that you have caught yourself at a bad moment, a bad time to be in a bad mood, and you have no idea how to get rid of this emotion of sadness and loneliness.

You try to walk around and smile to others, but surely they can too sense that there is something wrong, they can see it in your eyes, the way your cheeks just droop down without a smiling crease.

Walking along all these happy memories, people don't even realize that you feel so alone, that you too would like to be just as happy as they are.

Sometimes you are the person that is the happy one and don't realize there is a sad person there along with you, or in the same room as you.

Taking a photo with a crowd in the back you don't realize that there are tears on her eyes, just a few people back. You catch that moment but you don't realize it.

Sometimes people take a photo with you in the background and find you in the photo later, and wonder to themselves, what were you thinking about at that very moment? What made you so sad? It could have been anything, sometimes you just catch people at the wrong times with the wrong mood, and sometimes you find yourself catching yourself in the wrong mood at the wrong time.

What is the solution?

If I knew, I wouldn't be writing this.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Stressing AGAIN

I'm so stressed... and yet I'm shopping online. LMAO

I'm looking for Skinny Dip'n in Lake Michigan by OPI. That's the only color that I want from them and I can't find it other than on ebay which is overpriced. LAME!!!

Anyways, classes are starting soon and I want to add a couple and drop one. I just recently found that you could get a event planning and management certificate from my university. I would love that for PR work!! That way I can have evidence that I am certified or that I took courses to plan events! So exciting!! Even though I already have done things like this and have succeeded, it would be nice to put on my resume.

The only thing is that the classes are not available, not sure why either, so I had to email the professor and she's taking a while to write back which doesn't really help me since I don't have the internet at home and I have to find out when I have to pick up my books and I'm just so worried that I won't get those classes to get the certificate because I graduate after this school year. WHEW! That was a mouthful in my head.

Wish me luck people!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Stressing Like No Other

Ever since I've been back to the states, I feel so stressed. The fact that there's no one in the house with my mom anymore, the fact that I haven't done my internship, my grandpa being sick, my sister-in-law fainting, my grandma having stomach pains and going to the ER, my cousin passing away due to stomach cancer; all so stressful.

Death is really just around the corner and I am so scared and worried about everyone. I feel like I can't leave to go to school and do anything because of all this stress. What am I to do? I wish there were more people to help out, but there isn't and that's also very stressful. Besides all that, we garden and sell veggies and that's a whole summer's work.

The BF says I should just let my parents know that after I graduate and get my career going they won't have to worry so much about money, and I guess I just didn't have that much confidence in myself to even think that I'll be making good pay. I hope I do, of course, but we will see. I have to talk to my parents and tell them to not do so much gardening so that I can do my internship and graduate and not stress about them so much. When they do a lot of gardening I feel really stressed and can't do anything but help them, I don't want to get a job because then no one will help my mom and I'll be too tired to help her when I get home from work. I come home every summer to help my parents and it's taking a toll on me.

I'm not saying I don't want to help, of course I do, but I need a lot of time to get going on YouTube, my internship, my career, and decide what I want to do with myself/career.

I would love to be a Public Relations Specialist for a cosmetic company or a magazine company!! That would be lovely, or I could even be a writer for a magazine relating to fashion, makeup, and all things girly!!! :D

Stress is making me depressed, I feel so tired and can't get anything done. I have been reading books to uplift this chaos out of my head and live to be happy and healthy. Lately I've been craving veggie dishes, most likely because they were so good when I was in NZ my flatmates loved veggie dishes and I was so surprised how much I liked it!!! :D Yumm, I will have to make another veggie dish real soon! :D

Anyways, soon everyone will get better and this stress will surpass, just like all the other times it surpasses. With God next to my heart and my family next to my side, I can do anything! :D

Monday, August 8, 2011


I know, it's been forever since I have written on here or been online at all. It's been a crazy month and a half since I've been back into the states, all I want to do is shop and hang out instead of wasting time online. But I'm sure I'll be stuck online again once I start school. It's so difficult to not say uni like I do in NZ, lol or toilet, but it's not as bad as what they told me to prepare myself for. I don't want to do any of those things such as powerpoints or speaking out to my program about my travels, why? Because it wasn't AS great as I wanted it to be, it was good, but not great (at times it is, but at other times depending on what I reflect on, it's not). I'm just glad to be back where I was originally! Can't wait to get started at school again and see all my friends, oh how I miss them so much!! :D

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Officially Out Of NZ

I'm officially out of NZ and in Australia. I have 3 hours until my next flight which is going to be 15 hours long to LA and then a 5 hour flight to Chicago. I can't wait for this to be over-with, I'm so sick of traveling! Plus I hate it when I have everything laid out in front of me and I have to go somewhere and I have to pack it all up and bring it with me just to use the bathroom or get some water. Traveling alone like this also sucks, no one to help you watch your stuff.

Anyways, I miss NZ but this is good for me, I think I have grown a lot from this experience. I am so glad I came! Such a great experience now that I look back on it! yay me!! I DID IT!

I lasted half a year without family and friends around. So sad though, those 6 months, but now that I will be back, I will cherish them all so much more than I have before!! Or at least I hope I do!!

I'm also excited to start blogging on fashion!!! :D I have some really nice shoes I've been meaning to show everyone! Great finds!! :D

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Leaving NZ

Today is my last day in my flat. I still have two more days before I fly out, but I'm feeling the sadness already. Even though there was so much tears shed here and bad memories, there were so many growing up and expanding my horizon here. Thank you NZ for being good to me, I didn't bleed once here! lol I am happy that I came, and now I am happy to go. I can't wait to be home, but I will miss NZ so very much, I am feeling it all now. It was a great experience and the people I met will forever be in my heart!

My bedroom I will miss, my school, my friends, the shops I go to, the places I usually stroll. The view from my windows, will be missed lots!

Last night I had a lot of bad dreams, they were scary and I don't know why I had them, maybe it was because I slept on a sheetless bed, or was it because I'm nervous about going home? Was I scared from the show I watched last night? Not sure, but I didn't find the dream very pleasant.

I hope the ash clouds don't block my flight with Air New Zealand. They have been flying lately so they shouldn't stop, I hope! God please help me so I can get home safely and without trouble, like when I came. Thank you!! Amen.

I still can't believe I'm leaving NZ in a couple of days. It's been half a year! AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Saturday, May 14, 2011


I want to ask myself:

What am I doing in life?

What do I represent?

Where do I want to be in the future?

Do I value myself?

Am I settling for less?

Am I putting my best effort into this?

Am I happy?

Why am I here?

Who can I really rely on?

Who will be there for me?

Who can I trust?

What do I want?

Why am I wasting time?

If I think there's not enough time, why do I still find time to slack off?

When will this all be over?

Why do I feel so unhappy?

Why am I sad?

Why do I want to be sad?

What is wrong with me?

Can I really get a job with my stupidity?

Am I the useless one?

Why do people always see me as someone they can easily use and abuse?

Who am I?

Why is it that my favorite list of songs consist of sad ones?

If you were to label my blog, would it be emo?

Why is it that I write more and is more creative when I'm sad?

Why must I think so much?

What am I doing?

What am I doing to help my future?

Is there more to life than this?

Why do I always feel like crying?

Will I ever stop asking these questions?

Why do I feel so uneasy?

Why is it that when I have work I'm stressed and when I don't have work I feel like I should, and stress myself for not having any?

Why must we work our whole lives to work even more?

Where will I go when I die?

Will anyone miss me when I'm gone?

What if I don't ever want to leave?

How can I live like this?

How can I stop feeling this way?

Who can help me?

If I want to accomplish so much, why am I not doing anything?

Why is life so difficult?

Why live?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Feeling Helpless

I am so far away and I feel so helpless, I can't even help my mom out.

I worry about her so much, it drives me crazy.

I am rethinking this whole coming to NZ thing, even though I'm almost done, I should have saved the money, the time, the effort.

Cooking for people over here instead of my mom, laughing with people other than my mom.

I don't know, maybe this is a good thing so that I know and appreciate her more.

I hope that's the case, I hope I never make her sad again.

Please God, give me the strength to finish what I have started, to finish with my head held high, and to succeed so my mom can be proud and not worry and stress so much. Please keep her safe, wherever she is, whatever she is doing, and keep her thoughts on happy ones! Amen!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Am I Photogenic or Just Obsessed With Myself?


The title speaks for itself.

I think that I take wayyy too many photos of myself. And some look better than others, I can't wait til I'm home and the bf takes photos of me for a fashion blog. I think instead of creating another blog, since I have totaling 3, I'll just put it on here!!! It'll be easier for me to manage!!!

Anyways, back to picture taking, I take a LOT LOT LOT LOT of pictures when I look good, of course, lol. It's obsessive, and overwhelming if you were to look at my picture folder, LMAO!

What do you do when you look good? Take pictures duh!! But some times, it can be really annoying, so I just don't tell anyone I do it, lol.

Except in this situation where I am telling whomever is reading this.

I don't care, everyone does it!! Except the men who hates taking pictures. lol

Saturday, April 30, 2011

My Kiwi Family

For Spring break I had the best time EVER in Auckland!!!!!!

Went to visit a friend I met on YouTube! She is so sweet, check her channel out!

It was a great experience, from someone who knew the city, it was really nice to visit the places I did and see the things I did. It was such a great experience, I had so much fun and made such good friends! Can't wait to see them again, whenever that is!

They were like my family, it was so nice to stay at their place, and they fed me so well too! Everyone was so loving, the cats even! lol

Sonya's family was so sweet and so was she! The most nice and loving person in NZ! I felt at home and at ease in Auckland, not sure why I don't like Dunedin as much, but I'm so glad I went to Auckland! Loving the city life more than ever!!

I truly felt like I was in the states, just a different city! lol

I'll post some pictures of our fun!!! It was AMAZING!

Sky City

The Best Kebab EVER (first and only one I've had)

The gorgeous beach we went to

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Have You Ever

Have you ever felt like you're a burden to someone? Even though whomever it is you're with says you're not and they are trying super hard to be nice, you can just feel it and you just know that they are annoyed and bothered by you. Not your existence, but you being there and taking up their time.

I have been feeling kind of like that lately, to the girls that I have become friends with. Some times you can never be friends with girls because they are so judgmental and they expect so much from you. Or is it that I expect a lot from them? Not really sure, but one thing I do know is that I'm not always wanted.

And that is ok with me because I have been the one who has felt like this certain person is taking up my time too. When you're in that situation, you try super hard for them to not notice that you are in a rush or are annoyed, but you fail and you just apologize out of pure kindness and the good of your heart but they still think you're trying hard.

Ok, so I've been in both situations, when you are that someone who is in their way, you know it and what you do is leave. How long do you leave them alone for? Until they come back and ask for you to hang out or never again?

That's why girls can be such difficult friends, you don't know how they are, they could be talking to you about someone and then the next thing they could be talking about you to someone.

Have you ever felt like the world is crashing on you? Like nothing worse could happen because it already has happened. Like you're hopeless?

This is not to depress anyone, or that I am sad or depressed, I just want to know.

When my professor said he wasn't going to mark my essay because it didn't work when I sent it, my world fell apart and I was so worried about my grade and how the rest of the semester was going to be. I felt so lost because I wasn't understanding what's going on in the course, and knew then that I chose courses that were not fit for me, I was not ready. Then my bf and I were having problems, and then we broke up and I had no one, no one to tell, no one to talk to. Not only that, I'm so far from home, what to do right? The world was crashing down, literally, there were disasters everywhere, all over the news, and I prayed to God for him to keep the world spinning and for everyone to be safe.

I was worried for my life, I was worried that I would fall asleep and not wake up. I was scared that there would be nothing left of me and my family would have never known how I actually died, or when I died. I was so scared I was going to die alone, all by myself, with no loved ones around.

After calming myself down I figured that time will heal things up, make things better. And here I am, feeling happy that break is in a few days, that my bf and I are back together, and that God is keeping Earth safe.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

One of the MOST EXCITING NEWS Since I've Been Here

So, I was thinking just the other day to look for youtube gurus in NZ, and up until yesterday I couldn't find any because I kept googling, but I figured I should just put it in youtube!!!! AND I FOUND SOME!!!

I am so excited, I can't sleep! LOL

I have a 6-8 page paper due Tuesday and I've only started, plus this weekend I have great fun plans and tomorrow I have a long day at the Uni, so I'm pretty booked except Friday and Sunday and Monday, and I just can't fall asleep because I'm so HAPPY!

Call me a kid, but I don't care!!

Meeting new women with the same passion as me, so EXCITING. And the best part is, they aren't shady.

I like it when you write to someone and they are just as excited to write back as you were when you wrote to them. I hate it when I get replies that are just like, oh yea, blah blah blah... And then it kills your excitement and the whole point that you were writing them.

Anyways, I would love to do a meet up with these gurus, if they are willing and if we are around the same areas, which I hope we are, if not we'll have to find a way to meet up! Cannot wait!!!!!!!

Wish me luck on my new adventure of making friends with youtube gurus in NZ!!! I can't wait to go shopping for things they love, getting and giving tips on cosmetics, doing swaps! Just being friends, YAY! lol

Monday, April 11, 2011

From Being a Friend, To Being a Best Friend, To Being Another Good Friend

Things change and so do people.

I'm just glad it all worked out.

He was my friend, then he became my lover and best friend, and now I guess it's just time to be friends again.

It's so weird how it all works, but if this is what God has led us to, we will agree to it.

I have no idea how it will be once I get back home, but for now I don't want to ruin anything. I'd rather have him in my life than not.

If God leads us to be together again, I would be gladly to accept, but for now I think this is good for the both of us. It gives us time to grow up and determine what we want in life for ourselves instead of for the both of us.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Power Of Red Lips

I have this great idea!!!!!! I'm so frick'n excited about it too!!

So I have a lot of sisters, and I want to get them something from NZ, so last night I was thinking about something that isn't so expensive and they would like. Something that is meaningful, so that when they look at it they know that it's from me and smile! I don't know what to get them, and every women likes makeup! So I have decided to get my sisters red lipsticks! I will have to buy them all the same lipstick from a NZ brand so that it'll be somewhat special.

Not only is it just a red lipstick, there is a great reason behind it. When you wear red lipstick you have to be confident, you have to be bold, and my sisters are so confident and bold, they may not think they are, but they are!!! This lipstick will bring confidence, I want them to wear it when they feel confident and I want them to wear it when they don't feel confident to knock that low self-esteem off!!! When you're having a sad day, put it on and brighten up the mood! People will compliment you and that will make things better, when you look good, you feel good, vice versa!

This has great meaning and I hope they follow it! And if you would like, do that to your friends and sisters, it's a great reason to wear red lipstick! The power of red lips is so powerful, you turn heads and stick out from the crowd! It makes you feel good, something that you don't feel when you don't have it on!

Now I just have to go find a NZ brand that is affordable so I can buy several, and it has to be a bold red too!!! I'll have fun doing that, that's for sure!!!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I'm SOO Excited!!!

I have been obsessed with the word obsessed.. no not really, but I have been obsessed with anything to do with fashion. I'm not talking the runway, I'm talking about the fashion you see on blogs, the ones where real people wear the clothes!

I am obsessed with everyone's different looks, and I wish I were that bold and awesome! Too bad I'm not, the clothes just sits on me, and it's pretty boring... :C

But this summer will be different, I'm so excited! My BF will (I hope) be my photographer and I will somewhat dress up everyday (or as much as I can) and post it up! So stay tuned for that! I know you all want to know what I wear! LOL nothing special, so maybe I shouldn't write this because I might embarrass myself, LMAO OH WELL!!!

You'd rather embarrass yourself looking good than bad......

unless you look bad that's why you're embarrassing yourself. (I'm talking about myself guys)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Oh Happy Day!

Today is a wonderful day! It's sunny and beautiful! I love the way my hair is today too! I curled it, no makeup, just the curls, my outfit and my jewelry! I think simple is good!

I have yoga tonight too so it makes my day so much better and relaxing, I used to never like Mondays but now it's like my favorite day of the week! I get to sleep in, get ready and still have time to walk slowly to class! Right after class I go study in the library and then it's yoga time! After yoga I go home and eat dinner, and then I study some more or slack off and head to bed!

Sounds like a great day isn't it? It is! I love the having time to myself, but I think when you have too much time to yourself it can be overwhelming.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Crying On The Inside

I have literally had the worst experience here, well I'm sure it's not the worst but it's definitely as great as I assumed it would be. You sure do have to be a strong person to do this type of thing, and I am not. I hate how my blogs are so depressing, but I need to vent to someone/something. I'm tired of complaining to people, they don't care of they have their own problems to deal with and I just don't want to get them involved. Thank you blog! I wish I had a good friend here to speak to, tell him or her everything and have them make me feel better about it. It would be nice if they were a Kiwi, that way they can explain things to me.
Today in my Sociology of NZ tutorial class, one of the guys in my group didn't know how to spell jewelry, and everyone started to spell it differently, I was like what? That is not how you spell it. One of the girls who is a Kiwi spelled it j-e-w-e-l-l-e-r-y. The other Kiwi heard how I spelled it and said, it must be an American thing (the way I spelled it).
Besides that, everything seems to be depressing me. It would be nice that if I was depressed I wouldn't eat, that way I can lose weight faster! I get depressed kind of a lot, but I don't tell anyone because what's the use of that? There's no point in telling someone how I feel when they have their own problems and they don't care and I don't really even want to talk about it.
I have God by my side. I keep thinking that and I'll be ok. Soon I will be home and everything will be better. I wish I wasn't so stupid, everything in class, I just seem to not understand, or I get it all wrong and turn in work that is useless. I do have a learning disability, what is it? STUPIDITY. I have no idea how I got this far.
My professor replied with a sterness saying that my excuse for turning in html on a Mac is not good enough and he's not going to mark my work. He still wanted me to send what I had and then he P.S.'d and said haven't you been attending lectures and tutorials? WTF? Hell yeah I have, I paid for this crap, of course I'm going to attend, and I came here to learn, not drink like other stupid people.
I'm being mean. I need to go yoga myself back into calmness.....

Sunday, March 20, 2011


The courses (papers) that I am taking here are so confusing, I wish the professor would just slow down and explain it more thoroughly, or is it that I'm just stupid, or is it that I'm an international student and I don't understand the concept because of that? I don't want it to be an excuse, but it is the excuse. I e-mail for help and I still feel lost. I feel so stupid, yet these things that we are doing I have done similar things in my courses back at my university. The only problem is the homework that they give out, I don't understand it, if I were to understand what they are asking us to do then I would be fine and do wonderfully. The fact is, I don't know what they want, they aren't even specific on what they want and how they want it. I'm going insane and can't wait to get home. I don't think I should have taken such high level courses, they always speak of the courses that we took in 101 or 202, except, I wasn't here for that, I was taught this stuff in the states......

It would have been nice if someone were to tell me ahead of time that it would be like this, that way I wouldn't have taken these courses, I mean sure it's a good experience, but not when I'm so confused and frustrated, it could affect my grade. Not cool...

The people that I know in those courses are slackers, I worry and do more than they do, that doesn't help either....

I'll just have to cope with it and make sure that I ask more questions and send more emails out to my professor who probably know me by name out of the 200+ students he or she has...

so sad...

wish me luck!!!!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Apples and Photoshop

I took a few hundred pictures today of myself being weird! lol I was so bored and hungry and tired that I had to entertain myself! I'll show you guys too, so you all know what I mean. I have been getting a lot better with my photoshop skills and I am so thankful because it'll be good for my future! I have no idea to touch up photos yet, but I hear that's the easy part, since I know how to do the hard part, I'm sure I can do the easy part!!!

So I decided to take pictures of myself eating an apple, and thought it would be an even better idea if I made it look like someone gave it to me, using my own arm! I did a few times but it just didn't look so real. I was taking it on my photobooth so it can take four shots right after one another and it'll put it in a collage type thing, so I wanted to post it as my display picture but it wouldn't load all of them, it was single pictures. Of course I had to turn to photoshop, and I had to erase part of my shoulder and arm so it looks more real! LOL

It really does look like someone gave me an apple!

And if you're wondering what's on my hand (the one holding an apple) it's henna! Did it last night, not the best but I'll post pictures on that too!!!!! It looks like I'm hiding behind my huge hand, but I'm not, lol

See for yourself my photoshop skills, LOL (not even good compared to others, but good enough in my book)!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


No matter who is in your life you will some point in time feel lonely. It's ok! I feel lonely and I have parents, siblings, friends, and a bf, but sometimes I feel like no one can soothe that lonely feeling.

Being all the way over here in NZ doesn't help much either. Maybe the person that I seem to be to everyone is strong and independent but I'm exactly opposite.

Lately I've been feeling very lonely. I feel it because I don't have people that I can be myself with. You're thinking, what? Yes, I feel like it is such a struggle to be me, Hmong which most people don't even know we exist and plus size which everyone judges.

Maybe coming here was a bad idea, and I really apologize for sounding so depressing all the time. I guess I don't write much when I'm happy.

What I really want to do is cuddle with my parents and know that when I wake up they will still be there! I just want to be home....

I hate you loneliness.

Saturday, March 12, 2011


It has been very scary lately, being over here in New Zealand. There was an earthquake at Christchurch in New Zealand and it was really bad. Even my kiwi-host said she felt the aftershock. I just can't believe how crazy bad it is, I thank God that I wasn't there or that the earthquake wasn't here. My family and friends were really worried about me, I am fine.
Just two days ago in Japan there was an earthquake as well, which erupted a tsunami. It is horrible, the footages gave me the chills. I pray to God that everyone is ok and that no more people will get hurt. After hearing all of this, I read an e-mail saying that New Zealand is going to be hit with a tsunami as well. The e-mail also stated that the tsunami will only be hitting the north island of New Zealand and that it will be small. I haven't been watching the news so I don't know if it has happened or not. I have been so paranoid and trying to stay away from all the horrible things floating around the internet because it will only make me more paranoid.
Being in a new side of the world is very scary. I am very worried about what will happen next, if anything. I hope that God will be on everyone's side and help us all so that nothing bad will happen. I am so sad and devastated that all of this is happening. I hope that all gets better!
I don't want my parents hearing about these matters, which I know they will, but it will make them really worried and paranoid too. My mom has been sick lately so I hope that she doesn't get too worried about this, it may cause her to be more ill.
Please God, let there be no more pain and suffering, let there be no more. Please keep everyone safe! I pray to you in hopes that you will answer! Amen!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Weight Loss

Lately I've been getting remarks about weight loss, from my mom and the bf. Mainly from people back at home, and as much as I want to believe it and it's a good thing, I doubt it's true at all. I mean sure I do a lot of walking, but not to the extent that I actually lose weight and people notice it. I think it's just because they haven't seen me in a while, although I would love it so much if I did!! lol

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

New Zealand Wonders

Just like the weather I have been having A LOT of mood swings. I'm happy, sad, depressed, glad, crying, pouting, and bored all day long. The weather is windy, sunny, hot, raining, pouring, chilly all day long too.

Being here is great, but I miss home a lot. I find myself doing really dumb things like dancing in my room for hours each day (although it's great exercise). I find myself getting dressed up and doing my makeup and STAYING INSIDE ALL DAY. I find myself taking photos of my food, myself, eating. I never take pictures, now it's all I do. (I'll post some of these ridiculous pictures up though)

Like I have to document my life so that I can remember my mood swings. So that others can see how miserable it is right now that I have no one to talk to, PHYSICALLY talk to.

I just cannot wait for people to be here, for me to have something to do other than browse the internet all day long and marvel over my makeup and hair (not that I do that all day long).

I think I'm going insane. Being in this room all day long is making me wonder about so many different things, and every noise I hear, I think someone's coming in the flat or is already in (not sure why) I'm not paranoid or scared, but for some reason I keep thinking that.

I must be crazy, that's the only solution, lol.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Why Do I Feel So Alone?

It's horrible that I feel alone. It's worse because the bf and I don't seem to be getting along lately. It's so weird, I'm not sure why at all, it kills me inside. I'm sitting here in New Zealand at the University library and I feel like wailing, I want to cry so bad it sucks that I'm stuck here so far from my flat. I want to run there and cry in my bed, but what good will that do? Then after I cry what will I do? Who will I talk to? Why did I come here?

I miss home, my bed, my friends. I miss having all the comfort level that I don't have now. I miss knowing where everything is, and miss knowing that there will be people around me at all times. There's no one here because school doesn't start for another month. What did I get myself into?

Do you think that in a month I will feel stupid for writing this? I hope so because I hope that I will meet people soon and that I won't feel so alone. Please tell me there is someone out there that would be more than willing to talk to me and help me, everyone else says they are willing but doesn't look it, or it's their job and they really don't want to.

What am I to do reader? What am I to do?

Monday, January 24, 2011

Packing for a 4 month Trip

OMG, I am so overwhelmed with what I have to do in the next couple of days. Pack for 4 months, I just can't do it, I'm having the most difficult time just thinking about it, how am I going to actually do it? I think my makeup is pretty easy, but not clothes and shoes and all that stuff. I've been complaining like crazy to the bf and everyone else about packing. It's so ridiculous, why can't I bring everything I own? I'm going to have to buy notebooks and pens and pencils in New Zealand because I can't bring everything, so sad... I'm going to study abroad, that means I already am spending lots of money on the trip itself and studying, why should I be spending money on things that I already own in a different country? Why oh why???

Then again it's an excuse to shop, but what if I don't have the money to buy that stuff?

Well this just sucks.