Ever since I've been back to the states, I feel so stressed. The fact that there's no one in the house with my mom anymore, the fact that I haven't done my internship, my grandpa being sick, my sister-in-law fainting, my grandma having stomach pains and going to the ER, my cousin passing away due to stomach cancer; all so stressful.
Death is really just around the corner and I am so scared and worried about everyone. I feel like I can't leave to go to school and do anything because of all this stress. What am I to do? I wish there were more people to help out, but there isn't and that's also very stressful. Besides all that, we garden and sell veggies and that's a whole summer's work.
The BF says I should just let my parents know that after I graduate and get my career going they won't have to worry so much about money, and I guess I just didn't have that much confidence in myself to even think that I'll be making good pay. I hope I do, of course, but we will see. I have to talk to my parents and tell them to not do so much gardening so that I can do my internship and graduate and not stress about them so much. When they do a lot of gardening I feel really stressed and can't do anything but help them, I don't want to get a job because then no one will help my mom and I'll be too tired to help her when I get home from work. I come home every summer to help my parents and it's taking a toll on me.
I'm not saying I don't want to help, of course I do, but I need a lot of time to get going on YouTube, my internship, my career, and decide what I want to do with myself/career.
I would love to be a Public Relations Specialist for a cosmetic company or a magazine company!! That would be lovely, or I could even be a writer for a magazine relating to fashion, makeup, and all things girly!!! :D
Stress is making me depressed, I feel so tired and can't get anything done. I have been reading books to uplift this chaos out of my head and live to be happy and healthy. Lately I've been craving veggie dishes, most likely because they were so good when I was in NZ my flatmates loved veggie dishes and I was so surprised how much I liked it!!! :D Yumm, I will have to make another veggie dish real soon! :D
Anyways, soon everyone will get better and this stress will surpass, just like all the other times it surpasses. With God next to my heart and my family next to my side, I can do anything! :D
Monday, August 8, 2011
I know, it's been forever since I have written on here or been online at all. It's been a crazy month and a half since I've been back into the states, all I want to do is shop and hang out instead of wasting time online. But I'm sure I'll be stuck online again once I start school. It's so difficult to not say uni like I do in NZ, lol or toilet, but it's not as bad as what they told me to prepare myself for. I don't want to do any of those things such as powerpoints or speaking out to my program about my travels, why? Because it wasn't AS great as I wanted it to be, it was good, but not great (at times it is, but at other times depending on what I reflect on, it's not). I'm just glad to be back where I was originally! Can't wait to get started at school again and see all my friends, oh how I miss them so much!! :D