Sister's Retreat

This past weekend my sisters and I went on a retreat out of town.  It was a much needed trip, Friday to Monday.  I felt so relaxed I didn't want to ever stop relaxing.  We didn't go and do much but we did a lot of bonding, which was the whole point of the trip.

Now that I think about it, we didn't even take much pictures, but we have all the memories and stories we need inside our mind and hearts.

There was a total of five of us that attended, not everyone was able to come.  We mainly talked about ourselves, relationships, career, and each other.  It was powerful, empowering, motivational, soothing, and inspiring.  The things that I was saying to my sisters and the things that they were saying to me and each other was so golden.  I came to realize that I should be taking my own advice, how come I'm telling her this when I am not doing it myself?  It's more difficult done than said. 

We did some shopping here and there but I didn't buy much.  I didn't need much and I was so glad that I didn't buy much because I'll be going out of town again next month. 

We all had to come up with an activity and mine was based on your confidence and trying to empower one another.  Realize what your worth is and what you lack in and better your self-image.  The way that you see yourself is different from what others see us as and that's what I wanted to point out. 

I wanted my sisters to feel and look as beautiful as they are to me and their loved ones.  We can look beautiful on the outside but feel horrible on the inside. 

What are your values?  If you were to meet me, as a stranger what are five things that you would want me to know about you?

I wrote down:
1. family oriented
2. hard working
3. big family
4. plus size
5. event planner, successful

I wrote that, in that order.  Those are some things that I value and want a stranger to know about me, I'm labeling myself here.  What about you?

Testing the Waters

I am sorry to say that I turn to my blog for a lot of venting but I have to write this down in reassurance and evidence, making things more tangible so that I can solve it.

I have come to realize that I am not talented at anything.  This has come across my mind several times throughout my lifetime already, but now I really am positive that I have no talent and I am not getting anywhere in life.

I do a lot but I don't do anything talently. 

I have been on YouTube making videos for over three years and I have only reached over 1,000 subscribers.  I am thankful for those that have subscribed to me, but I see all those other people who have only been on YouTube for a year and they have over 10,000.  It's saying I'm not talented in makeup and in making videos and in fashion, since that is what my videos are about.

I want to model, but I can't even model in front of my boyfriend whom is taking the pictures. lol

I have always wanted to play instruments but I can't even read music notes and I have always loved singing but I can hear myself crack when I try, so I know I can't be a singer.

I think that I need to test the waters and see what my true passion is.  Direct my vision that way and see that even though I'm not talented, I can still work hard, which is what I already do.  I need to stop doing what I'm doing and do something else for a change.

I am not successful in one particular area, and sometimes I wish I was, that way I can take that path and see where it leads me.  I feel my problem is that I like to do a little of everything and that never works out because I'll be too tired of trying to boggle everything and end up not doing anything.

I really do feel that my fatness adds to this all, maybe I'm not successful on YouTube because I'm fat.  Most of the popular ladies on there are skinny and super pretty!  I have to admit, they are the ones that I watch the most being that there are more of them. 

I love supporting plus size women as well, but there aren't too many of them out there that I share the same style with.  There are several, but not as many as I would like. 

I hope that this all helps me in the end, whatever that path may be.