The Nature of ME

The Nature of ME
Me Being at My Best, ME!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

New Zealand Wonders

Just like the weather I have been having A LOT of mood swings. I'm happy, sad, depressed, glad, crying, pouting, and bored all day long. The weather is windy, sunny, hot, raining, pouring, chilly all day long too.

Being here is great, but I miss home a lot. I find myself doing really dumb things like dancing in my room for hours each day (although it's great exercise). I find myself getting dressed up and doing my makeup and STAYING INSIDE ALL DAY. I find myself taking photos of my food, myself, eating. I never take pictures, now it's all I do. (I'll post some of these ridiculous pictures up though)

Like I have to document my life so that I can remember my mood swings. So that others can see how miserable it is right now that I have no one to talk to, PHYSICALLY talk to.

I just cannot wait for people to be here, for me to have something to do other than browse the internet all day long and marvel over my makeup and hair (not that I do that all day long).

I think I'm going insane. Being in this room all day long is making me wonder about so many different things, and every noise I hear, I think someone's coming in the flat or is already in (not sure why) I'm not paranoid or scared, but for some reason I keep thinking that.

I must be crazy, that's the only solution, lol.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Why Do I Feel So Alone?

It's horrible that I feel alone. It's worse because the bf and I don't seem to be getting along lately. It's so weird, I'm not sure why at all, it kills me inside. I'm sitting here in New Zealand at the University library and I feel like wailing, I want to cry so bad it sucks that I'm stuck here so far from my flat. I want to run there and cry in my bed, but what good will that do? Then after I cry what will I do? Who will I talk to? Why did I come here?

I miss home, my bed, my friends. I miss having all the comfort level that I don't have now. I miss knowing where everything is, and miss knowing that there will be people around me at all times. There's no one here because school doesn't start for another month. What did I get myself into?

Do you think that in a month I will feel stupid for writing this? I hope so because I hope that I will meet people soon and that I won't feel so alone. Please tell me there is someone out there that would be more than willing to talk to me and help me, everyone else says they are willing but doesn't look it, or it's their job and they really don't want to.

What am I to do reader? What am I to do?