The Nature of ME

The Nature of ME
Me Being at My Best, ME!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Golden Rule

"Do onto others what you want done onto you"

Don't I deserve to be treated good? They say do onto others as you want done onto u, but I have yet to receive the good that I have passed on.

I feel that I am usually always following that rule and not getting the respect and care that I have done onto others.

I find myself crying all the time because I feel so unappreciated. I feel others use me because of this Golden Rule, because I want to be good.

Please don't make me a bad person because of this.

I just find myself lost, wondering when people will turn around and realize that I have been there for them and that I too need help.

I fall and fall again, and the only soul that knows besides God and I, is the bf.

He sees me fall, cry, wail and know my pain. He gets upset, frustrated, and angry due to my lack of telling others or letting them walk all over me.

But what can I do? They are family, they are friends. Whom I love and care about. Those family and friends will know sooner or later.

I just hope that I can stay calm and innocent until they do realize it.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

You Robbed Me

I feel so depressed.

Something has come over me. I can't think of anything other than my family. I don't want to do anything but be with my family.

I'm so stressed, I don't want to do anything, I don't want to feel happy or joyful because my family can't feel the same way, or they don't feel the same way.

When that person came into my brother's home and stole his stuff with their bare hands, that was when they robbed my brother. They robbed him of his happiness, they robbed him of his joy, his happiness, his life. They robbed his family's joy and happiness. They robbed us of time.

This stranger took what was materialistic in this world, but meant a lot to us.

It made our tears shed and I will never forget it. I can't forget it. Every time I feel happy, I think again about what happened and realize that my brother and sister-in-law are suffering. I don't have the right to be happy right now, I don't have the right to be thinking about other things than them. I need to find a way to soothe their pain and sorrows.

On top of that, there are other stressful things lingering in my head.

I just want to cry. There is nothing that I can do. Why must I feel this way? Why did this happen to us? What is the reason for this mishap?

God, please tell me why this is happening and what we should do to make it better. I ask for an answer, for a sign. I am losing hope, something that that person also robbed us of.

Why is it so difficult for life to give us a break when we need one? Something happens to us and we pause our lives for it, but life doesn't pause for us. Everything still moves along, just like the clock moves along. No one waits for us to catch up. Life just keeps on going and when we are able to come back to life, reality will be there for us to jump back into the realm of things.

I hate that. Life goes on. What if I don't want it to? What if I can't move on, go on with life? I am stuck in this position of depression, not sure if I could/should laugh or smile again.

Will someone let me know what your thoughts are on this? I feel so deprived of encouragement.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

How Cruel Can A Person Be?

This past weekend was the Hmong New Year for the city that I was in. I was so excited in going and seeing all my friends and family. Dressing up in Hmong clothes and looking and feeling great.

Only to find out later that someone broke into my brother's place and stole their safes. Stole all their games and playstation and xbox.

Everything basically was gone.

They just had a baby, my siser-in-law is on maternity leave.

They have one paycheck left to live on.

I thought to myself, how can someone be so cruel? What in your right mind makes you do this? What do you feel in doing this, happiness? Guilt? Are you proud of yourself? What are you going to do with their information, their money, their important things?

I prayed to God so many times. I prayed to him asking what I did wrong for my family to deserve this, I prayed to him to catch the bad people, to punish them for their doings. I prayed to give my brother them strength, they have to be strong for the baby.

How can you just live on? Can't you just pause the world for this? I am so stressed I don't want to do homework, I don't want to think about assignments, graduation, food, internships.

I feel like I want to email my professors to let them know, but what good is that going to do? They didn't rob me, they robbed my brother. Although I am very hurt and stressed, what can I do?

Most likely they will be moving in with my mom for the time being until they can move on their own again. Until they feel safe elsewhere.

God, please help them. I know that I don't deserve your good blessings, but what did they do wrong to deserve this? Please help them catch the bad people, make them pay for what they did to my family. The tears that they shed today will be in my memories for the rest of my life. My brother's sobs that were so painful it struck my heart and made my tears run like water. My sister-in-laws cries that were so shockingly scary and worrisome that it makes you want to hurt those people that hurt them. Please God, don't make us bad people from hating the bad people. Don't make the bad out of us come out because of those bad people. Please keep us strong, help us so we can carry on, make it right again! Amen.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Crazy Business

Just today, or yesterday October the 3rd, 2011 I got an e-mail at around 4pm. I wasn't sure if it was a fake scam email or not because I've been getting them a lot lately. I first saw it through my phone first and then went onto my laptop to check it out.

There it was, from an important Senior Project Manager stating that we met at the Career Fair and that a position for a project manager has opened up. She would like me to start as a part-time and it may lead to a full time job.

I'm thinking, WT (WHAT THE)?????????????? :D

From wanting an internship to becoming a part-time project manager???

and possibly being a full time project manager?

Am I ready for this?

I prayed to God desperately a few weeks ago, and now he has answered my prayers.

Not only is he giving me this opportunity, but even the other job that I applied for seems like it's going to be promising.

I'm so clueless right now, I want both, yet I already have a job and I want that too.

I can't be a full time student and work 3 jobs, I'll go mad.

I wish I could do that, but it's just impossible.

"I'll simply deny you the crown and live forever!"

LOL that's from Ever After, Henry (the Prince's dad stated that to Henry).

Anyways, I'll have to take the project manager if nothing else opens, I did apply for two already in my hometown and haven't heard from them, so I'll have to take this, but the thing is, it's not an internship, it's a part-time. I'll definitely have to talk to the senior project manager about that.

As for the other jobs, I'll have to let it go to someone else who needs it more than I do.


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

My Interview Today

I had an interview today and for some reason like always, I am so nervous, but when I get up there I do absolutely fine. I sometimes don't answer the question right, but then I give them something good so they leave it alone, lol.

I did so well. I guess I was intimidated because there were two men throwing questions at me. But I tackled it like a pro.

I can tell one of the guys really wants me for this position and the other has no expression, he didn't really care much, it seemed or didn't believe me.

But all in all it was good, sometimes I want to kick myself for answering so stupidly, but it was professional and I did what I could do.

Thank you for your guidance, mom, dad, and God!