The Nature of ME

The Nature of ME
Me Being at My Best, ME!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Have You Ever

Have you ever felt like you're a burden to someone? Even though whomever it is you're with says you're not and they are trying super hard to be nice, you can just feel it and you just know that they are annoyed and bothered by you. Not your existence, but you being there and taking up their time.

I have been feeling kind of like that lately, to the girls that I have become friends with. Some times you can never be friends with girls because they are so judgmental and they expect so much from you. Or is it that I expect a lot from them? Not really sure, but one thing I do know is that I'm not always wanted.

And that is ok with me because I have been the one who has felt like this certain person is taking up my time too. When you're in that situation, you try super hard for them to not notice that you are in a rush or are annoyed, but you fail and you just apologize out of pure kindness and the good of your heart but they still think you're trying hard.

Ok, so I've been in both situations, when you are that someone who is in their way, you know it and what you do is leave. How long do you leave them alone for? Until they come back and ask for you to hang out or never again?

That's why girls can be such difficult friends, you don't know how they are, they could be talking to you about someone and then the next thing they could be talking about you to someone.

Have you ever felt like the world is crashing on you? Like nothing worse could happen because it already has happened. Like you're hopeless?

This is not to depress anyone, or that I am sad or depressed, I just want to know.

When my professor said he wasn't going to mark my essay because it didn't work when I sent it, my world fell apart and I was so worried about my grade and how the rest of the semester was going to be. I felt so lost because I wasn't understanding what's going on in the course, and knew then that I chose courses that were not fit for me, I was not ready. Then my bf and I were having problems, and then we broke up and I had no one, no one to tell, no one to talk to. Not only that, I'm so far from home, what to do right? The world was crashing down, literally, there were disasters everywhere, all over the news, and I prayed to God for him to keep the world spinning and for everyone to be safe.

I was worried for my life, I was worried that I would fall asleep and not wake up. I was scared that there would be nothing left of me and my family would have never known how I actually died, or when I died. I was so scared I was going to die alone, all by myself, with no loved ones around.

After calming myself down I figured that time will heal things up, make things better. And here I am, feeling happy that break is in a few days, that my bf and I are back together, and that God is keeping Earth safe.


  1. Hey hun im just reading your blog through and i had to comment on this one because it relates to me at times and i just want to say when things are rough just remember you are not alone even when you think you are i speak from experience here but i always know God is HOPE and i absolutely get the jitters about my assignments to specially when i fail to add in details until its to late.But what keeps me going is that i know i can always count on GOD to help me through and that tomorrow is a new day =)so i just want to say if you ever need a friend i will always be here for you girl xxo =).

  2. Thanks Sonya! I know I can count on you! I wrote this when I just felt like the world was falling apart, and I was in the middle. I really had no hope before, and now God has given me hope and meeting you has been so wonderful because you have shown me real kiwi and sincerity since I have been here. I am so thankful that God led us to meet, and I hope that we are forever friends!