Lonesome

No matter who is in your life you will some point in time feel lonely. It's ok! I feel lonely and I have parents, siblings, friends, and a bf, but sometimes I feel like no one can soothe that lonely feeling.

Being all the way over here in NZ doesn't help much either. Maybe the person that I seem to be to everyone is strong and independent but I'm exactly opposite.

Lately I've been feeling very lonely. I feel it because I don't have people that I can be myself with. You're thinking, what? Yes, I feel like it is such a struggle to be me, Hmong which most people don't even know we exist and plus size which everyone judges.

Maybe coming here was a bad idea, and I really apologize for sounding so depressing all the time. I guess I don't write much when I'm happy.

What I really want to do is cuddle with my parents and know that when I wake up they will still be there! I just want to be home....

I hate you loneliness.

Earthquakes

It has been very scary lately, being over here in New Zealand. There was an earthquake at Christchurch in New Zealand and it was really bad. Even my kiwi-host said she felt the aftershock. I just can't believe how crazy bad it is, I thank God that I wasn't there or that the earthquake wasn't here. My family and friends were really worried about me, I am fine.
Just two days ago in Japan there was an earthquake as well, which erupted a tsunami. It is horrible, the footages gave me the chills. I pray to God that everyone is ok and that no more people will get hurt. After hearing all of this, I read an e-mail saying that New Zealand is going to be hit with a tsunami as well. The e-mail also stated that the tsunami will only be hitting the north island of New Zealand and that it will be small. I haven't been watching the news so I don't know if it has happened or not. I have been so paranoid and trying to stay away from all the horrible things floating around the internet because it will only make me more paranoid.
Being in a new side of the world is very scary. I am very worried about what will happen next, if anything. I hope that God will be on everyone's side and help us all so that nothing bad will happen. I am so sad and devastated that all of this is happening. I hope that all gets better!
I don't want my parents hearing about these matters, which I know they will, but it will make them really worried and paranoid too. My mom has been sick lately so I hope that she doesn't get too worried about this, it may cause her to be more ill.
Please God, let there be no more pain and suffering, let there be no more. Please keep everyone safe! I pray to you in hopes that you will answer! Amen!

Weight Loss

Lately I've been getting remarks about weight loss, from my mom and the bf. Mainly from people back at home, and as much as I want to believe it and it's a good thing, I doubt it's true at all. I mean sure I do a lot of walking, but not to the extent that I actually lose weight and people notice it. I think it's just because they haven't seen me in a while, although I would love it so much if I did!! lol

New Zealand Wonders

Just like the weather I have been having A LOT of mood swings. I'm happy, sad, depressed, glad, crying, pouting, and bored all day long. The weather is windy, sunny, hot, raining, pouring, chilly all day long too.

Being here is great, but I miss home a lot. I find myself doing really dumb things like dancing in my room for hours each day (although it's great exercise). I find myself getting dressed up and doing my makeup and STAYING INSIDE ALL DAY. I find myself taking photos of my food, myself, eating. I never take pictures, now it's all I do. (I'll post some of these ridiculous pictures up though)

Like I have to document my life so that I can remember my mood swings. So that others can see how miserable it is right now that I have no one to talk to, PHYSICALLY talk to.

I just cannot wait for people to be here, for me to have something to do other than browse the internet all day long and marvel over my makeup and hair (not that I do that all day long).

I think I'm going insane. Being in this room all day long is making me wonder about so many different things, and every noise I hear, I think someone's coming in the flat or is already in (not sure why) I'm not paranoid or scared, but for some reason I keep thinking that.

I must be crazy, that's the only solution, lol.

Why Do I Feel So Alone?

It's horrible that I feel alone. It's worse because the bf and I don't seem to be getting along lately. It's so weird, I'm not sure why at all, it kills me inside. I'm sitting here in New Zealand at the University library and I feel like wailing, I want to cry so bad it sucks that I'm stuck here so far from my flat. I want to run there and cry in my bed, but what good will that do? Then after I cry what will I do? Who will I talk to? Why did I come here?

I miss home, my bed, my friends. I miss having all the comfort level that I don't have now. I miss knowing where everything is, and miss knowing that there will be people around me at all times. There's no one here because school doesn't start for another month. What did I get myself into?

Do you think that in a month I will feel stupid for writing this? I hope so because I hope that I will meet people soon and that I won't feel so alone. Please tell me there is someone out there that would be more than willing to talk to me and help me, everyone else says they are willing but doesn't look it, or it's their job and they really don't want to.

What am I to do reader? What am I to do?